A crisis called “raising two children” / How to reach an agreement with our spouse to raise a child?
Family group – Zohreh Saeedi: Even if before you had a child you thought that there was no point of disagreement between you and your spouse in the field of education, a child who has just had to sit down at a negotiating table and reach an agreement twice, because there are issues that will definitely arise before You did not pay attention to them.
Parental coordination and understanding for raising a child is one of the keys to children’s peace. When the mother frowns, the father smiles. One says sit down, another says crowd whatever you want. One says that children should go to bed early, another says that it is not necessary to sleep every hour that you like, in short, one orders an attack and the other orders a retreat.
When your child realizes that there is no harmony between his parents, he concludes that there is no such thing as a right or wrong external existence. For example, the mother says: You can not eat ice cream. “You can eat ice cream after a meal,” says the father. Grandma says: Baby, come and eat ice cream now!
It is better for everyone to make a common mistake but not to play each instrument separately. Children and adolescents who grow up with uncoordinated parenting methods,
They will never learn to abide by the law. Worst of all, the children who live next to their grandparents must follow their educational methods. In fact, there are a few people who think about how children should eat. Eat, sleep, watch TV, laugh or cry.
The reason for the inadequacy of the difference in the upbringing of children and their multiculturalism is that children do not have a specific standard and are unaware of the consequences of their behavior because they are confused; What they have done now is the desire of the father or the mother or the relatives and the grandparents. As a result, this confusion bothers them and impairs their educational health.
Parents who constantly argue and question each other will raise disobedient children because the children question their parenting practices or seek opportunities and occasionally take the side of one parent. Which will benefit them.
Parents need to know that a law must prevail in the home, even if that law is wrong, but how can parents establish a law and order and act in harmony with each other?
Before doing a series of tasks or encouraging children to engage in a particular behavior, it is best for parents to coordinate about it and to know their common position in advance, not to tell the child not to play football this week or because What you did should be punished and you should not watch TV, but your mother stealthily took her TV or mobile phone to entertain her. This means an educational dichotomy.
Therefore, parents should have shared in areas such as children lying, slander or other mistakes or areas of children’s education.
It is sometimes seen that one parent makes a mistake in a certain field and the other parent treats him aggressively and forbids him to do so. The important warning is that you should never reprimand your spouse in front of the child, even if you see your spouse making mistakes in front of the children, do not oppose your spouse’s upbringing method and be silent in front of the children and in a suitable situation let him know of his mistake so that the child knows That you are on one front and oblige yourself to obey your rules.
Another point is to never pretend to be an angel in front of your children and your spouse as an executioner. If your spouse has a strict law for children somewhere, let this law apply and do not exempt the children from it, otherwise you will send the message to your child that I am your good parent and I Love more!
In some families, it is seen that when the father is at home, a series of issues are observed. But as soon as his father leaves home, the situation changes and life changes. It is a mistake to put your children in a power struggle between parents and ignore the rules of the father. Even if you have a disagreement with your spouse, you are not going to pass it on to your children as if you are a victim in this life and the children are supposed to be your savior. Never do such a thing by saying that I do not agree with either your father and mother and that he did or thinks so.
If you feel that you are not able to make decisions about your children’s upbringing, it is better to talk to your spouse before a problem and examine his / her approach to deal with issues logically. Even if your spouse did something that you did not like, it is better to forgive so that he does not have a bad face in front of the children.
But in the field of the involvement of relatives and grandparents in the upbringing of children, it can be said that many issues are inevitable, each of these people, out of compassion or experience, want to do something and adopt their own upbringing methods better Without being directly involved in the power struggle or the issue with them, be respectful and apply the rules of your home and do not show in front of the children that you are upset in this regard.
If this disagreement escalates, the children will not feel safe in this house. It is better to talk to your grandparents very respectfully so that they respect your rules and the children do not suffer from stress and other personality problems.
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