Courtship and marriage in Muharram and Safar, yes or no? – Mehr news agency Iran and world’s news
Mehr news agency; Magazine group: Muharram and Safar are two special and lovely months for us Iranians and Shiites. With the arrival of the first decade of Muharram, everyone takes off their black clothes and prepares themselves for mourning. Undoubtedly, these two months play an important and effective role in every minute of our lives, and its effects are evident in the behavior of individuals and society. For example, this year, according to the announcement of the police force, in Muharram, especially the first decade of Muharram, the number of crimes has decreased significantly. In short, we can talk about the positive effects of these two months for days and weeks, but there are some customs in these two months that do not seem very religious. One of them is to stop all marriage processes in these two months. There are many boys and girls and families who do not propose or do not allow suitors in Muharram and Safar. If there are many boys and girls who complain about the complete stop of their marriage process in these two months.
Today, we went to Mrs. Maryam Ebrahimi, a senior expert in family psychology from Shahid Beheshti University and a marriage counselor in public and private clinics, known as “Nene Ebrahim” in cyberspace, to talk about courtship and marriage in Muharram and Safar.
Not only families, some boys and girls are against courtship and marriage in Muharram and Safar
To start the discussion, I say to Nene Ibrahim, “Many boys and girls mourn when they reach Muharram and Safar. The reason is that they cannot propose or accept a proposal due to the force of their families or society’s customs. what is your opinion?” He answers: Of course, it’s not just that the families are against the suitor. There are also boys and girls who believe that we should not propose or propose during Muharram and Safar. Well, it is natural; In any case, the belief of parents continues from breast to breast and reaches the next generation as well. The thing is that if we ourselves are not against this custom, this custom will be passed on to the generations after us.
Two months is a long time for someone to wait
He adds: In addition to these, there are boys and girls who themselves agree with courtship and marriage in Muharram and Safar, but the families are strict and do not allow the suitor to enter. The reason why this issue is difficult for young people is also natural. Anyway, the parents are living their own lives, and they say that “nothing happens for two months”. While I used to say to some people who said, “These guys haven’t taken a wife in a whole year and they want to get married right now”, two months is two months for you, but the example is like a person standing at a red light and seconds are important to him, but at the same time The time of someone who is watching a movie at home does not pay much attention to seconds or even minutes. Time is very different for those two people. This is the same; You yourself are married and your life has a certain routine and you are living it, but someone who is single and has a passion for marriage, it is difficult for him to stop everything for two months. Especially there are some people who say that since I am a student, I can only go back to my city during Muharram, Safar and summer, and it is only during this period that I can and want to find a suitor in my city, but because of these beliefs, this opportunity is also lost. .
Opposing courtship and marriage in these two months is a matter of heart, not religious or intellectual!
Mrs. Ebrahimi says about the reasons given by families and some boys and girls for stopping the process of courtship and marriage in Muharram and Safar: When we examined the reasons, we realized that this discussion among children and families is completely a matter of the heart! That is, it is not logical at all. There is no shari’a prohibition. We even said that after marriage, the first sentence that is said is that this is the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah. In addition, forming a family is a very important issue in Islam. They say that in the eyes of God, there is no building stronger than the family. However, the arguments that they brought at the end of the discussion were that this is a matter of the heart and we will become bitter, or they said that the month of Safar is an unlucky month and if a marriage starts in this month, it will lead to divorce later. Some people said, “If your loved one dies, would you agree to marry him twenty days later?” Imam Hussain (AS) is dearer to us than our parents and we must respect these two months. First of all, for those who have traveled, they say wait for a while and don’t let someone’s death stop young people from getting married. I said in the discussion and dialogue that I had with the children on my Instagram that there is no contradiction between these two. If celebration and joy and stomping are in that form, yes, there is a problem. But what is wrong with a girl and a boy wanting to continue their courtship sessions? Or some may have known each other for a long time and reached a conclusion in Muharram and Safar and it is difficult for them to continue this situation. Why should these two people wait two months? Also, if some people want to read a confidentiality agreement between them to communicate in a more suitable environment, why should they stop the courtship and marriage process altogether? Such cases have nothing to do with Muharram and Safar. Now, if some people are very sensitive, they can wait until the end of the first decade. They can only refrain from marriage and intimacy on the day of Tasu’a and Ashura, because it is said to stay away from worldly work on this day, otherwise there is no prohibition on the days before and after Tasu’a and Ashura.
It’s hard that we can’t even think about marriage for two months
Ebrahimi, who has a lot of connection with the youth, says about their heart: The heart of the youth is the same, that these two months of uncertainty are difficult for us. There were a number of children who said that we love Imam Hussain (AS) very much, but with the coming of Muharram and Safar, we are saddened and sad that there is no news in these two months. They say that we cannot even think about marriage in these two months. Well this is definitely hard for a single young person.
Delaying boys and girls is right
He continues: Some girls said to let others go, but I don’t let go because I’m passionate about this issue. Well, the problem is that many times such issues do not have an individual verdict. Yes, on the surface we say that this is my issue and I am the one who wants to get married, so I decide under what conditions. But when you make this a custom and feel that it is a bad thing, later you will do this to your child, and later you will extend the same to your friends. What happens is that a man may want to propose to you, but because you do not agree with this issue, you lose that option; If you are suitable. There is also the opposite; You put this person off for two months, and when he comes to propose after two months, you realize that you’re not a good fit either. From the point of view of Shariah, it should be noted that people’s rights and destiny are much more important than you saying that I am Muharram and Safar without any rational or Shariah reason.
I wish it was only Muharram and Zero! Where should we leave Ramadan, Nowruz and exam season in our hearts?!
This family expert says about the disadvantages of stopping courtship and marriage in Muharram and Safar: The worst thing is that two people get to know each other before Muharram and Safar, and families stop this dating process completely in Muharram and Safar. This is really a great injustice to those boys and girls and it is a problem in terms of people’s rights and destiny. Of course, when I brought these up, some people said that the fate of people now depends on these two months? Many people said this answer. I mean, it’s not just about these two months. We also have a month of Ramadan where it is difficult for many to propose. On the other hand, at another stage, we have the exam season when children say that we should study. We also have other occasions. I think we have enough restrictions and we shouldn’t stop for two months of the year. Where can children put so many stops in the courtship and marriage process?
What are the requirements for courtship in Muharram and Safar?
Pointing out that courting in Muharram and Safar also has its requirements, Nene Ebrahim continues about the conditions of courting in Muharram and Safar: How boys go courting or how girls behave in the face of courting is a bit of a matter of taste. However, there are some people who will be fine if you go for a proposal in Muharram and Safar and take sweets with you. At least in this month, only one bouquet can be won. Or if you go, explain to the other party and his family that because it was Muharram and Safar, we did not bring sweets and we will make up for it after these two months. There were some religious children who said that we wear black in the marriage ceremony. Some people liked this style, but some people said that it suits us that a person comes in a black dress to propose or a girl wears a black dress. I would say that in this situation you can consult with the other person or explain to them and say “I apologize. Do not misunderstand that I wore a black dress. If your partner is religious, he will understand your behavior.
Preventing marriage in these two months has no religious aspect
I asked Ms. Ebrahimi who researched this issue, “Is there anything wrong with courtship and marriage in these two months from the point of view of Sharia?” Ms. Ebrahimi answers: I don’t have an exact narration and I haven’t seen it, but I saw the rulings of the authorities who said that there is nothing wrong with the ceremony if it is without joy and celebration. That’s why I think this work is neither Shariah nor logical nor even moral. Many times we do not act according to the innocent opinion, but we act according to our heart. It may even be breath.
Ebrahimi adds: This behavior is like the behavior of an obsessive person. The ruling of Islam for someone who has doubts is that you should not pay attention to your doubts. That’s why when we say to an obsessive person, you don’t need to pay attention to this ruling because you’re in trouble and you’re very suspicious, skip it, the obsessive person says, “I don’t like this ablution right now.” In fact, he thinks that he is very religious. While the sharia ruling of a doubting person is another thing. However, because he acts according to his heart, he behaves in a different way, apart from the religious ruling. Otherwise, none of these people had a religious reason for not allowing suitors.
A boy and a girl who have been married for three years and each time their marriage is delayed for some reason
Saying that stopping courtship and marriage has brought a lot of problems to many, Nene Ebrahim mentions a memory and says: When I raised the issue, I had many messages saying that we have a cleric in our family, and due to the reasons we had, we got married on Muharram and Safar. Also, a girl sent me a message and said, “We are tired, we have been married for three years and we are tired of this period. Because every time one of the family died or our money was not enough and we could not go home and our lives. Now my wife and I are tired of this situation. Is there anything wrong if we just go to our house without celebrating?”. This girl was scared as much as the people around her had made room for this person that marriage in Muharram and Safar is bad and bad. I told him that the peace of yourself and your wife is more important than these things. Be sure to do this.
If contract At Muharram problem has it, Why Imam Khomeini (way) At Day Ashura contract One Couple particle for direct object did they read
He continues by reminding Imam Khomeini (may Allah be pleased with him) of the marriage ceremony on the day of Ashura: I think that the fact that Imam Khomeini (may Allah be pleased with him) recited the marriage ceremony on the day of Ashura shows that there is nothing wrong with this even on the day of Ashura. The sentence that the imam said that day was “I want to change what is forbidden by God into what is permissible by God”. A boy and a girl who have passed their dating period and now have reached Muharram and Safar, it is difficult for them to postpone their work for two months.
When boys and girls express interest in each other after full understanding, why don’t you let them get married?!
Ebrahimi warns the families who prevent the marriage of boys and girls with Sharia justifications, saying: Some of these children like to hold each other’s hands and express their love when they reach a complete understanding. That is why it is very difficult for them to spend two months in the same situation. A sad fact is that many of these guys are true that they try to control their behavior, but in the chat space, they also show interest. I feel that the families are satisfied that the children express their interest to each other in the Muharram, non-Moharram atmosphere, but they are not satisfied that they are married during Muharram and Safar! Of course, there were many children who were very religious and said that this happened to us or our brothers and sisters and we are still satisfied with our lives. There were also several cases where they said that there were several cases in our city where they got married in Muharram and Safar and then got divorced. I told them that many factors are effective in the divorce of couples. Are you sure that marriage in Muharram and Safar caused this divorce?! Are you sure that if they got married in a month other than Muharram and Safar, they wouldn’t get divorced? Maybe you attributed their divorce to this issue because of your beliefs, otherwise, intellectually, this issue has nothing to do with Muharram and Safar.