Do not be a wake-up call for parents / killers of children’s confidence!

Life group; زینب نادعلی: Confidence is one of the most important indicators in the development of our children’s personality. Parents inadvertently sometimes suppress their children’s self-confidence with the behaviors they do. Lack of self-confidence may not have a noticeable impact on our children’s lives as children, but it will affect their lives and success in the future to the point where they may not have a good fate. Childhood is an important opportunity to establish one’s self-confidence. In this period, if parents respond to their child’s needs correctly and deal with their children correctly, they can raise children with self-confidence.

We have talked about this with Hamed Emami Nejad, an expert on family issues, and what you will read below is the expert’s recommendations regarding creating a sense of self-confidence in children.

Dear parents, do not destroy your child’s self-confidence!

“Do not walk on this side of the street! Do not eat like this! Get your hands on this bar so you don’t fall! Draw the flower like this! “Do not wear this dress!” Now ask ourselves how much do we use these sentences during the day and how much do we command and forbid children? Perhaps we should remind ourselves of what harm we do to children with each of these sentences. With this behavior, we constantly convey the message to our child that he does not know, can not and is not able. As a result, we raise a child who can not even do his own thing. Because he is always anxious, he will not receive proper feedback from us by doing anything. If we do not observe childhood from this age, we will see its effects in the not too distant future, and our child will become a teenager who has very little self-confidence. Lack of self-confidence can cause many problems in life and affect human performance. Affects.

Behaviors we should not do

1_Do not threaten the child not to love and under no circumstances use phrases such as “I do not love you anymore”, “You are no longer my child” and ….

2_Do not use negative sentences such as “bad kid”, “do not touch”, “stubborn” These sentences have an adverse effect on children’s self-esteem.

3_Do not ask them the reason for children’s behavior, for example, do not say why did you do this? Explain to him that he did not do the right thing.

4_Do not advise children and avoid long conversations and additional explanations.

5_If they have done something wrong, we should examine the child’s behavior and not question his personality.

How do we know our child is not confident?

It is clear from the behavior of children whether they have self-confidence or not. Usually, children who have low self-confidence behave according to the following.

1- The child is not hardworking and runs away from work or challenge because he feels helpless in doing his work.

2_Shortly after he starts work or game, he gets tired of the game and stops doing it. In fact, the first sign of frustration is that the child will give up.

3_When he feels that he fails in the game, he lies or cheats.

4_He justifies his failures in games with the phrase “I do not like this game” to reduce the blame of others.

5_ shows less interest in the activities that he does during the day and enjoys doing them or does not express his interest.

6- He withdraws socially and loses his friends or has less contact with them.

7- He criticizes himself with sentences such as “Nobody likes me”, “Nobody likes me”, “I am ugly” and so on.

8- He is worried and afraid about other people’s opinions about himself and the opinion of others will affect him too much.

The role of the family in children’s self-confidence

Suppose a glass falls from your child’s hand and breaks if you, as the child’s parents, behave harshly and say, “What did you do again?” Blame it. Your child will lose confidence, but if you tell him to help you and pick up the pieces of glass from the floor, it will not only increase and maintain the child’s confidence, but also its crisis management power. Also increases. In another example, when a child does not know the answer to a simple question, a family who is not concerned about their child’s self-confidence conveys a bad feeling by saying, “Wow, how dull you are.” We can find the answers to his questions together. We will raise a child with high self-confidence.

As parents of children, be careful not to get angry when they are embarrassed to be in a group and sit next to us, and we do not want them to distance themselves from us, but to hold their hands and take them with us to other children or when there are many questions. They ask us not to get upset and not to say how many questions you ask and to answer their questions patiently.

Ways to boost children’s confidence

1_Give our children the opportunity to try and make mistakes and not blame them. In this case, the child does not always have the concern that he may be blamed and bad feedback from us when he starts doing anything good or bad.

2_Do not be strict and do not expect everything to be done regularly and accurately by the child. Strictness causes the child to run away from doing things and accept responsibility.

3_Spend a lot of time playing with children and give our children the opportunity to experience win and lose. If we always declare children winners, they will not have problem solving skills in the future and will not be able to cope with their failures.

4_Let the children start playing and sometimes even ask them to set the rules of the game. This will play a big role in boosting the child’s confidence.

5_Use loving words and respond to their emotional needs.

6_Give children responsibility at home and create a sense of duty in them. Note that if children do not fulfill their responsibilities, we will not be disappointed and we will give them easier responsibilities again.

7- If you are a parent who has low self-esteem, we should consult a counselor and raise our self-confidence level in the first stage.

Ways to increase parental confidence

Undoubtedly, one of the effective factors in raising children with high self-confidence is to have good self-confidence as parents. The following are the points that, if observed, will increase our level of self-confidence.

1_Always smile

2- Celebrate our successes and do not be ashamed.

3_Accept any human being may fail and prepare ourselves not to be disappointed if we fail.

4- Exercise because it has many effects on our mood, ability and self-confidence.

5_Take care of our beauty and pay more attention to our style of dress.

6_To have the right targeting and to target things that we are able to do.

7- Do not judge ourselves by saying “I am not a good mother”, “I am not a good father for my children” and so on.

8- Know that everyone makes mistakes and do not be ashamed of past mistakes.

Signs of a return of confidence to children’s personality

If the child values ​​and respects himself, has good relations with others and can make friends, is confident in his own abilities, he will not be upset or angry when he is criticized. Has the ability to accept failure, expresses his / her feelings easily and expresses his / her opinion to others, participates in social gatherings and feels good. Has a good level of self-confidence.

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