From strengthening the family institution to the influence of counselors in the counseling process – Mehr News Agency | Iran and world’s news

Mehr news agency; Community Group_ Fatemeh Mirza Jafari: Not long ago, the old saying went, “Old lives were different now, they lasted longer,” but as time went on and the technology of the sea of ​​technology became more advanced, the fission of science gave life a different color.

Divorce is one of the problems that has taken up a large number of cases in the courts today, while many problems created between couples can be solved by counseling. Of course, we should not forget that counseling is only for you. He plays the role of a guide and you are not supposed to follow his thoughts in personal life. The complexities of modern life have reduced the level of mental health in today’s society, and in this regard we need to increase personal abilities against problems. Shows himself more prominently to psychologists and family counselors.
For this purpose, we had an interview with Somayeh Khorasani, a sociology graduate and researcher in the field of gender and family, which you can read below the text of this interview.

What do you think about the need for psychological counseling to strengthen the family unit?

Before I begin, I have to say that my view of counseling is different from what you have heard so far about family counseling, and I generally disagree with the premarital counseling model we have today.

Is the reason for this disagreement in the way you look at the issue of family counseling or is there a problem in the process of doing so?

The reasons for this opposition are not, of course, the personal view of the servant, but the issue being raised on an individual level by the consultants; Counselors are now trying to learn how to manage crisis and get along with each other, or even assess two personalities for the appropriateness of marriage, and based on that, give opinions that are less important to families because of the individual view of issues in this area. Enjoyed and less useful; For example, I have been in consultations that have not allowed marriage to two couples just because one spouse was introverted and the other extroverted, and they see the root of family differences in the incompatibility of personalities, which I think is a wrong view of the discussion. It is family and family counseling, because we do not enter into family life with our own personality, but we are placed in a set of maps that need training.

In your opinion, to what extent do we in society need management skills training in different positions?

Therefore, it seems that we need role management skills in the position of a spouse, rather than needing to understand personality similarity and issues such as that addressed by psychologists, or psychological trauma and overt and covert personality problems that are important in their place. We have a couple of parents that psychologists do not have access to because of their field of knowledge.
Of course, there are psychologists who pay attention to these points in this area, but I am critical of the public and the process we know as family counseling, which seems to have generated some kind of income for most of these people, and this is dangerous for the family. .

We now see that many of our couples use the advice of a counselor at the beginning of their marriage and consider the beginning or end of their life to depend on the opinion of a family counselor; How correct do you think this view of the process of counseling processes is?

When you enter into cohabitation with the opinion and approval of a counselor and receive this opinion as a guarantee of entering family life, if you are facing family problems, instead of making a change in life, your mind follows this idea. Is that your psychologist is wrong and you are not a companion couple and you should separate from each other.
Unfortunately, this is one of the factors that takes people out of the flow of life and leads them to outside experts. Of course, we also have very compassionate counselors and psychologists who help solve couples ‘and families’ problems.

What harms will the dominance of the counseling field and the counselors’ particular view of family life have?

However, regarding the dominance of the field of counseling over family life, we see disadvantages that result from the special approach of these people towards the field of family, which often deal with this issue individually due to their knowledge; Of course, the issue of couple empowerment is a very important issue and we all need to consult and counseling, but to consider premarital counseling as a way to ensure a successful life is not the right solution.

To what extent do counselors and psychologists convey their specific views to individuals in counseling sessions?

It is natural for each psychologist and counselor to derive his or her own views from the schools of psychology. He wants to get married, he confirms whether the couple should get married or not!
The important point is that if the psychologist is a competent person, he / she will point out at the end of his / her counseling that this is his / her expert opinion and ultimately the decision is with the people, and what happens in life is up to the people, so they should be able to It turns out that unfortunately this does not often happen in the field of psychology, and this is a great loss, because you leave your life to a special counselor who will assign tasks for your life, and this is basically by looking at the family and empowering people. Confronts.

What harms does the couple’s dependence on counseling sessions to solve family problems and issues cause to the family institution?

Another disadvantage of this issue is the dependence of the couple on outdoor spaces and the formation of the mentality that solving the couple’s problems takes place outside the home; In other words, couples do not consider themselves sufficient to solve problems and feel that they must seek counseling.

Currently, most clients are women counseling sessions, and we see that men are less interested in attending these sessions to solve family problems. What harm will this result?

As you said, women are the most clients of these consultants and men are less involved and do not accept such a process; This one-sided counseling of women, in addition to creating frustration for women, which in itself creates more problems, is another problem that the psychologist can not achieve what he wants because one-sided psychologists talk to women as one of the The parties to the problems can not solve the problem.
This form of counseling in the ongoing process has the disadvantage of dissolving families. For example, in conversations with men and women who are living or divorced, they play a significant role in counseling because Have you heard a piece of advice that the child or the spouse does not matter and what matters is you and you should pursue your dreams; The addressee of this sentence can be a man or a woman, and since in some perspectives psychology is person-centered, it conflicts with the collective view that puts family formation and maintenance at the forefront, so this area also needs serious attention.

Is it possible to create a specific mechanism for the counseling process for couples?

We can not control all counselors and psychologists or have specific instructions for them, psychologists like other people in society, certain points of view about human beings, happiness, maintaining family life or the conditions with which a person can enter into cohabitation. And they are different in this respect, it seems that this degree of dependence of marriage on counseling in my opinion will be more harmful than the opportunity and benefit.

Many families are economically deprived of counseling sessions. What do you think about this?

In the case of families who do not have access to counseling and psychologists financially, regardless of the fact that I do not agree with the model of counseling families and strengthening family life, I strongly emphasize that we need skills training, empowerment of men and women, correcting misconceptions about family life. We are femininity and masculinity, our expectations of our spouse, life crisis management and the like.
Unfortunately counseling sessions; The sessions are frequent and currently for 45 minutes the amount of 350 thousand Tomans is received for each session, which will be a huge cost for a family, so it seems that instead of these trainings and empowerment of private couples, it should be from public institutions. Like the media and programs on radio and television to be used more widely to educate couples.

When we have a special training network, those who do not have access to the offices and can not afford to use them use this network, but doing so requires long-term planning.

To what extent can sociologists help couples or family counselors in strengthening the family institution?

If counselors have a holistic view of the family, the position of the individual in the family, personality development, the importance of the family and its maintenance, as well as the importance and formation of the family for society; Comprehensive programs with these three perspectives are designed by not only counselors but also sociologists and it can be hoped that family issues will decrease and people will be more capable in managing their problems.
In the counseling debate, separating counselors and psychologists from sociologists is not just because these people have specialized training in how to deal with people or their own specialized topics; Because sociologists have specific views in the field of women and the family that can complement this field.
Sociologists have a general view of the family, and individual psychologists naturally offer a more realistic view of family areas, strategies, consolidation, preventing and postponing divorce, and parenting skills when the two approaches come together. For this reason, in addition to the field being excluded from the allocation of counselors and psychologists, in collaboration with sociologists, a more multidimensional view of the issue will be injected, which can better help the family field.

As you said, there is no set mechanism for marriage counseling for family counselors; Given that we live in a society where the family is highly valued, what do you think is the reason for this lack of ability?

Psychologists choose a school from among the existing schools that is close to their own opinions and base it on their expert opinion, so if you refer to two psychologists with a problem, you will find that they offer you two different opinions on a common issue. For example, a psychologist may consider your marriage appropriate and another may not, so a specific mechanism cannot be given to counselors.
Even if you assume that there is a specific mechanism for checking whether or not counselors and psychologists follow these guidelines, it should be considered that it is practically impossible, but this angulation seems to accompany Psychologists, sociologists, and counselors, as well as the cultural and religious values ​​that Iranian society has toward marriage, the family, and the ability of individuals to enter the family, can prevent psychological harm and sociological macro-difficulties, as well as focus on individual tasks. do; Remind it of its duty to society and its duties.
As you mentioned, we live in a society where the family is very valuable; As can be seen in Western societies, we do not have to worry about prescribing separation and marriage because it has been taught that you can get out of it whenever the relationship is hurtful, but we can not prescribe it because in a society where We live, people have responsibilities in the field of society, religion and culture, so it should be seen through the tips that people are taught through counseling, and what is said according to the cultural and religious context in which people live. They can be; Therefore, it seems that it is impossible to provide instructions, and even if it is issued, there is no guarantee that it will be followed, and according to the different schools of psychology, it is practically impossible to give a specific mechanism to individuals.