How can we apologize after an argument? / You apologize but without excuse!

Family group:All couples have arguments during their life together, and it is natural for two people with different moral characteristics and different cultures to come together, sometimes with different tastes or other issues causing them to argue. Be.

Therefore, probably all married people have the experience that in some discussions, the previous arguments suddenly enter the new one. The reason for this is that in the previous argument, they are still open and people are not satisfied. Some people, after the discussion is over, try to ignore all the issues that have arisen, to forgive and not to think about what happened before.

This action causes the issue to never end in a principled and complete way, and its traces can be seen in the next challenging situations.

Now note that sometimes the case of long disputes and discussions is closed with a proper apology, but how? In this report, we will teach you some simple apology skills:

1. What is a good apology?

The first point is to know that small grievances and frustrations also need a good apology, but do not necessarily require complex and time-consuming solutions.

Let us first examine what behaviors cause the subject of any discussion in married life to remain open and cause discord and distance between husband and wife.

A set of behaviors causes this to happen, such as if one of you does not express his or her frustration with something, or both of you pretend under an unwritten contract after an argument that nothing has happened and go on with your routine.

For example, a woman is upset, a discussion takes place, her husband comes to her and says to talk to each other and solve problems, but the lady pretends that nothing happened and is not upset, and everything is resolved, but after a while something happens twice. And the lady explodes and expresses her sorrow over the past.

In addition, some couples do not have the patience or ability to manage the argument, so they quickly close the issue with a simple apology. But their spouse is upset from the bottom of his heart.

Eventually, some couples get into long-term violence and the position remains open for a long time.

So to start these behaviors should be avoided!

You may need time to think about a topic after an argument. Evaluate your share and blame and after this time spend time with your partner to solve the problem, but remember that apologizing is the “before” stage of solving the problem. Sometimes in a discussion you are the only one to blame, so you go ahead and apologize, and sometimes vice versa.

Sometimes you are both to blame and you both apologize to each other. Generally, when one steps forward, the other stops being stubborn and apologizes for his own fault, and the ambiguities disappear. So taking the lead depends on which of you is more prepared, less stubborn, and wants to organize your married life.

So let me explain the steps of a proper apology to you with an example. Imagine for a second you were transposed into the karmic driven world of Earl. This is a big challenge, and because your spouse feels that you do not trust him or her, you may be really distrustful! But before you talk and solve the problem, it is better to apologize at the beginning.

1. Narrate the issue from your point of view

In connection with the issue, you can narrate it by saying to your spouse, for example, “You have been coming home late for a while and I do not feel well. I feel lonely. I did not want you to think that I was skeptical but I needed to feel confident. When you were in the bathroom, your phone was on the sofa. I thought a lot about whether or not to do this, but in the end I could not stop myself.

I knew it was not the right thing to do, but I have not been feeling well for a long time.

2. Empathetically, see the issue from your spouse’s perspective

Now, in the same example, empathize with your spouse who has lost his or her trust: you feel right that you only feel that I do not trust you and that you have violated your privacy, only that you feel upset and angry. When I leave myself, I realize that you are very angry and annoyed now.

I was not allowed to do this and I had to talk to you about my mood and thoughts instead.

3- Excuse without apology and excuse + offer of compensation

There are some people who apologize, but they always make excuses that it happened and it happened. So remember not to make excuses, that is, but, but, and if …

In this example, do not say that you see that my work was not good, but your behavior has become very strange recently!

Or, for example, do not say that you see, now I apologize, but apologizing does not mean that you are not to blame for something!

Instead, say: I apologize to you. I’m sorry, how can I make up for it?

4. Finally, after a good apology, talk about the main challenge

Now is the time to talk about the root of this mistrust. After your spouse has softened your spouse, it is best to talk about why this distrust has arisen and what you can do about it.

End of message /