Is punishment effective for raising children? / Corrective cases of punishment

Family group – Zohreh Saeedi: During the parenting process, there are many times when parents may discipline their children, from their stubbornness, disobedience and unhealthy mischief to gossip, beating others, not studying and many other things that cause Parents should give up and punish their children. Now this punishment can be appropriate at different ages.

Some believe that punishment is effective in educating children. Even in the past, there was evidence in schools that children were bullied and beaten, but how effective were these punishments and how much did they make children more educated? Did? How much parents discipline their children with morals and teach them commitment and responsibility.

It is true that we all know that sometimes it is necessary to point out the mistakes of children and deal with them seriously, and punishment can certainly not be effective in order to avoid being lazy and wise. Punishment, if it is intended to quell the anger of adults, can not have a corrective and informative effect, and consequences such as psychological damage, delinquency, inferiority complexes, lack of academic and professional progress, as well as more addiction and running away from home and School can bring.

So keep in mind that the right behavior, along with kindness, also requires seriousness so that children do not become self-centered and respect their parents. Instead of punishing, it is better for parents to take him seriously and use encouraging tools where necessary.

It is also narrated from the Commander of the Faithful Ali that: “There is no etiquette with anger; “With anger, training is not possible.” There is also a narration in the book Bihar Al-Anwar that one day a man complained to his son in the presence of Imam Musa Kazem (AS) that he was disobeying him. The Imam said to him: “Do not beat your child and be angry with him to discipline him. “Of course, be careful not to prolong your anger, but reconcile with him as soon as possible.”

** Punishing children under the age of three is prohibited

The first point to note is that punishing children under the age of three is forbidden because the child still does not distinguish between himself and his behavior, and punishment only destroys the child’s self-esteem and self-confidence. The best age for the process of correcting and awareness of children’s behavior is after the age of 5, when your child knows the difference between good and bad work, is empathetic, goes through the stages of narcissism and has a better understanding of issues.

** The difference between punishment and negative reinforcement

A few points are important here. First, make a distinction between “punishing” and “negative reinforcement.” What is the difference between these? In punishment, you may verbally abuse and question the character of the child, and physically harass him, which is not true and will not be effective, maybe it will only calm your anger.

But negative reinforcement is something that corrects and awareness of your child, such as when your child at an age understands inappropriate behavior that upsets you and others but you intend to correct that behavior, in This will deprive him of a possession or an inalienable right for a short time, such as not letting him watch his favorite show on TV or not taking him out on the weekends. In this case, your correction process can be effective.

Now the fundamental question is how to make children aware of their mistakes and how it should be done?

The first point is to punish when you have the power of empathy, that is, you can put yourself in your child’s shoes. In this case, you will not do violence, humiliation and angry acts.

The second point is that instead of corporal punishment or verbal insults and humiliation, try corrective verbal reactions, that is, teach him where the wrong thing is, then if he did the wrong thing twice, tell him what the result is. He expects it like not watching TV or buying the gift he has been waiting for.

Do not tell your child, “You are a bad girl or boy,” but tell him, “You did a bad thing.”

Keep in mind that excessive punishment of children loses its effect and causes him to no longer value you and the ugliness of work falls on him and your relationship with your child is destroyed, while the positive effect. He also has no education, so consciously choose how to challenge children.

** What should be the alternatives to punishing children?

First, forget about punishment with violence, because it has no effect on correcting behavior.

Second, avoid using phrases such as “you are a bad boy or girl” or “you are no longer my child.”

Third, wait a while before disciplining the child. Get calm first so you do not regret it later. You have to be patient in the way of raising children and raising them.

Fourth, set your expectations of them. Teach him the concept of right and wrong and define what you expect from him. Sometimes children do not know what their parents expect of them.

The important thing in raising children is that you have a law for living, that your home and going out is lawful for your children, and that the moral values ​​in your home are clear. Encouragement and punishment methods should be in place at home and children should be aware of them. It’s like telling a child that if he ignores his lessons, it will definitely not be fun.

Another point is that once these rules are clear, if you ignore them yourself, other children will not pay attention to them, as if this week does not matter and next week you will study and next time you will do so and so! This method is wrong and causes the children to repeat their mistakes and the authority of the parents is questioned.

Another issue is that in order to raise children, pay attention to their age, that is, if there is going to be punishment or encouragement, it should definitely be done according to their age and understanding. A child who is interested in computer games can definitely use this lever to encourage him to study, otherwise it will be ineffective.

Another important point is to learn never to punish children in public, you can not educate children with eyes and eyebrows or beating and giving bad titles to children, it is better to destroy children’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Do not cut them and warn them in private or create a ban if you are going to.

Finally, to discipline children, you must consider alternative behavior for them. Without creating alternative behavior, you can not succeed and punishment will not work, that is, tell the child what behavior he should replace with his wrong behavior.

End of message /

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