“The first thing that is really important for us to be able to come out of these proud parenting challenges is to be calm,” said Farzaneh Sharafpour, a Fars News Agency health reporter, on “Hello Tehran” program. To protect ourselves; Then we can use our own knowledge, but often knowledge also helps to keep us calm; For example, when I know that my 3 or 4 year old child does not have a cortex, the logical part of the brain, that child only feels and acts, for example, he likes to push and take me and does this and can not consider the consequences at all. . Accordingly, if I know this, I know that the child does not want to arouse jealousy.
In response to the way he behaves in times of distress and lack of concentration in dealing with the child, he said: “This is one of the most important issues that we do not look at the child’s behavior; This behavior is a part of that human being, and beneath it is a wide range called feelings and needs that we need to relate to and know that if my child does something, he or she is behind what he or she needs and feels, and only what the children want at the moment. Do not pay attention. It is important that you do not just stick to the desire, but look below it, see what it needs, and when we realize the need, for example, we realize that the child needs fun, and this need for fun can be met with different possibilities that meet my own needs. Because these demands are often in conflict with each other. If I want to fulfill my child’s wish, that moment may be the opposite of my wish, but if I meet the child’s need at that time, I can fulfill something that is actually in the interest of both of us and we reach peace.
Sharafpour Babian gave an example that we have to use something in order to be able to use it in life: I am the mother of my children, we are going to go shopping, we are passing in front of a toy shop and not while I have money and the child does not need toys The child insists that I have to buy the same toy and starts screaming and crying in the middle of the street. At the first moment we have to keep calm to see what other possibilities there are and I have to check, what does the child need? Is he hungry? Is he sleeping? Or does it really need diversity now? These needs may be several things. For example, I may guess that the child needs fun. We should guess what the child needs and offer him an alternative. For example, the same thing happened to me yesterday and I felt that the child was tired of shopping. Is and needs to leave the market; My son loves escalators very much. I immediately suggested to him that we go to the escalator, he finally welcomed the taste.
“We are completely against distraction,” he said of distracting children. We say that the child’s needs must be met. Sometimes the question arises as to how I can find the baby I need at that peak of my cramping. As soon as I keep calm, it’s general. The argument here is to meet a more immediate need of the child, for example, the need for the right hand of children that they always have is probably the need for play and entertainment that is common to all children; We can meet the need, but we do not want to distract him, because the child must calm down in an atmosphere of calm and take care of his needs in that space. It shows and we say why did the child growl? Why is the baby crying? And for example, why is it like this today? In general, if you distract the child, we may be distracted and forget what the main need was in the middle and the problems will continue to other degrees.
“One of the big challenges I had with the kids was their sleep,” said the parenting counseling and education expert in response to how she managed her children at the same time and continued their education. It was very difficult to manage when they fell asleep. When they were younger, once one of the children fell asleep and I told him to bring a pillow to sleep on my feet, he put the pillow on my feet to want to sleep, my other child started crying. I suggested to the child to bring another pillow to sleep on my other foot. When the child took the other pillow, he was thinking and choosing between sleeping or entering under another pretext. The third child, who was smaller than each other, slept on my pedestal. Meanwhile, my child started crying and the situation became very difficult. I talked to my son when he got up, your sister is tired and she is falling asleep; My son was 3 or 4 years old and did not understand what I was saying at all; At that moment, I honestly shared my feelings with him and said that my son is very happy that you are by my side and I would like you to be on my feet, but your sister is also crying and I am upset. What should we do? The moment he saw me, I was deeply connected to him and I am honestly expressing my feelings. My son received empathy and received my empathy. It was like a miracle.
Analyzing the situation, he said: “In those circumstances, I understood my son’s needs; He needed attention and reassurance that I was still his mother, and when he received this, he himself made the offer that I had already said in a hundred living languages of the world and did not accept. It calmed down, but I might get out of the oven and something else might happen.
Sharafpour, in response to what we should do if we lose our temper, said: Do I have to suffer a guilty conscience quickly ?? No. In this situation, we have a period called restoration. There is a theory called GoodInf Printing that says that if a parent and child experience a breakdown in their relationship in 70% of cases and fail and break in their relationship and have a good relationship in only 30% of cases, that parent is enough, if he repairs.
Referring to the definition of restoration, the parenting counseling and education expert said: “Restoration is our consolation to return to peace.” As soon as I express my feelings at that moment, for example, I get angry. For example, you did this. Even if I have to apologize, I reminded you that I knocked. Things do not happen.
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