The tangled tangle of adoption / Ways to sweeten the lives of “Tiaras”.
Fars News Agency Community Group – Mehdi Amiripour: It was December 1400 when we narrated the story of the adoption of a special girl, a girl named Tiara, a girl with special conditions and a family that, despite many efforts, did not succeed in accepting an adopted child with medical needs. Here read)
In that report, some of the problems that the young couple faced in order to accept the adoption were pointed out, the correspondence and laws that forced “Mohammed Reza and Fatemeh” to withdraw until they had a son named “Mohammed Mehdi”. After the birth of a son, the couple decided again to take care of a child in need of treatment, and that’s how the lot was named “Tiara”.
Now, after a year has passed and Andy, our reporter has depicted a new story of Tiara’s life in the arms of her benevolent family. You can read the details of this conversation below:
A second chance to live
Mohammad Reza Karmi: I want to mention the story of Tiara, you know that children who are cared for in centers need occupational therapy and speech therapy, etc., but when we adopted Tiara, due to her presence in the community, home and communication with others, the problem of Tiara not speaking And the lack of contact has been resolved and now Tiara is doing her own things alone.
Of course, we faced some problems along the way, last year we had to send Tiara to preschool, but they said she was short and we could not take responsibility for her, because something might happen to her, we said that all the responsibility lies with us. We even make the couch ourselves and everything he needs, but they didn’t accept it. This was Tiara’s first problem and we were really upset. While it is safe to say that Tiara does her work better than many of her peers who are tall, however, that preschool did not accept Tiara’s trial attendance.
They did not let Tiara go to school
Fateme Taati, Tiara’s mother: The preschool told us to go to another school, and we gave up on Tiara’s education this year, saying that maybe in another year she will grow taller, but this problem still exists, in school and university, and… this issue It exists and has not been resolved. Tiara is 6 years old this year and because of these issues, she goes to school a year later.
The contract of “lifelong peace” in favor of Tiara
Creamy: After we went through Tiara’s work and the necessary measures for adoption, we were ordered to keep Tiara for 6 months and we brought Tiara home. After 6 months of keeping my daughter Tiara, we had to apply for a birth certificate. One of the steps we need to take is that one-third of the property should be given to Tiara as a “lifetime peace”, so far there is no problem, but when we discussed with the lawyer, we realized that in this type of contract, if the daughter or adopted child dies. That part goes to the welfare or to the biological family of the child, if there is a family. Unfortunately, most of these children do not have a family, or they have a family that has problems and abandoned the child.
Another issue regarding adoption is that if the family wants to do any buying and selling, they must get a letter from the welfare department and follow the termination of the lifetime peace agreement and re-write a contract with the same theme. Many families who accept children as adopted children They are from the middle classes of the society, who mostly have another child, naturally, they will have problems with this one-third of the property in the future.
I know some families who, in addition to having several children, have adopted a child in need of treatment as their guardian. If the story of peace for a lifetime ends, they are worried that they will have to settle a third of the property, they will have to waive the rights of their own children and less inheritance will go to their own children. The result of this action is the occurrence of differences between these children in the future, because we have seen many times that inheritance issues have always existed even between physical brothers and sisters, and we are also worried about this.
We do our best to make these children feel like a family, but laws like this, despite being right, put the children’s future in jeopardy. The future of these adopted children is not about the amount of inheritance and… it is about making the girl feel like her sister in her brother’s house.
The need to change the adopted child laws
One of the other ambiguities of adoption is that they say that parents should cover their child with life insurance, which should cost several million per month. Put these costs together with the other costs of the child’s need for treatment. How much will it cost?
We have had many conversations with Behzisht, they agree that these laws should be changed, many families are also unaware of the existence of such laws and they are being followed up, but the judicial system needs to form a working group and talk to the families. In every meeting, judges, prosecutors, representatives of the country’s welfare are present and it is approved that this action should be carried out, but no one knows about the problems of the families.
We have sent a letter to Mr. Saeed Babaei, Director General of Children and Youth Affairs of the country’s welfare organization, with the content of all the problems of families with adopted children, and they have promised to make changes.
The adoption process should not be formal
Tiara’s father: I am not saying that the process is easy, it is difficult and these processes should be, after all, the eligibility of a family must be determined and confirmed, but with these actions that are taken, the eligibility is not confirmed. How can the eligibility of a family for adoption be confirmed in four counseling sessions? Either it was rejected, the consultant asked me the usual questions, or they delayed us for half a day in going to the forensic doctor, and when we entered the confirming doctor’s room, it didn’t even last 2 minutes. This process should be, but it should be a bit more realistic, we only know the sealing and it was confirmed.
In those 6 months that we waited for Tiara’s birth certificate, the representative of the welfare organization visited our house several times, talked with Tiara and my wife, and we went to counseling sessions several times. Tiara had to be checked for 2 to 3 sessions. 6 months, it will be determined whether the family has the ability to take care of this child or not? Of course, you can tell from the appearance of a child whether he was able to get along with the family or not, whether he has grown or not, and other issues.
The image we had before of Tiara
When Tiara was in the childcare center, she was a withdrawn child, lacked self-confidence and made excuses, but today, Alhamdulillah, she does whatever she wants, and the only problem she had was that she couldn’t reach some tools and equipment, and she said get me a chair. And now he does everything himself.
Tiara’s mother: Today, Tiara is my right hand at home, she does all the work, brings and takes away the table and even helps me wash the dishes.
The truth is that before we wanted to adopt Tiara, we made appointments with ourselves, made a promise that we would do this if we didn’t make a difference between the two children, and that’s how we adopted Tiara. Today, Alhamdulillah, the atmosphere of friendship between two siblings is such that if we separate Mohammad Mahdi from Tiara, they cry for each other, and Tiara and Mohammad Mehdi are constantly asking each other how they are doing.
God puts the seal of adopted children in the hearts of people
Tiara’s father: God’s hand can be seen in adoption, you realize that the child you are adopting gives you a feeling of love and affection. I have talked to dozens of children’s families, they say that adopted children are no different from their own children, and it is God’s hand that seals it. He puts the child in the hearts of others.
Today, Tiara’s short stature is not noticed by anyone and no one pays attention to it, even people’s eyes are not mocking and they look at Tiara with surprise, although the media can be effective in introducing short stature to the society. Tiara also takes several medicines. Currently, Tiara takes growth hormone drug “Sinatropin” ampoule and “vitamin drugs” and it costs about 2 tomans a month.
The view of adopters must change
Unfortunately, the view of families is the view of capitalism that assigns several properties to children, this view must be changed, and in the last several years, families have accepted children who are part of the average society or even from infertile families. , this law should be in such a way that on the one hand it provides the future of the child and on the other hand the families are not under pressure.
Let’s assume today that Tiara is 6 years old, she is 20 years old, she also has facilities and household goods and a car, but she doesn’t have anyone, can she build her own life? .. to be able to play our role if we were not there and be a part of the child’s relatives.
Infertile couples should follow the path of adoption
I believe that in this world, if families do not have children and are infertile, another child is waiting for his guardianship somewhere else and he also has no parents. pay and try this path. Do not have any doubts about this story and it is no different with their child.
end of message/