What are we going to talk about?

Health Department of Fars News AgencyMohammad Tajik: Another Nowruz has arrived and the autumn season of nature has changed and the face of the world is full of vitality and joy. Spring has started to spread with all its freshness and vitality, and the cold and dull world of winter has given way to a vibrant spring.

During Nowruz, people go to see each other, and seeing and visiting Nowruz is a blessed and auspicious occasion for more communication and clearing misunderstandings.

In order to examine this topic, what to talk about and what issues to deal with in relation to our kindred and relatives in this new year visit with “Dr. Maryam Bakhtiari, professor of psychology at Shahid Beheshti University of Medical Sciences and vice president of the Clinical Psychology AssociationWe sat down to talk. Join us on the first day of the new year.

Lady doctor! It is possible that during the last year, in terms of behavior, turbidity and negative ideas were formed between different people and there were issues; What solutions do you offer to resolve these issues between people?

After all, we have conflicts with people and we can always be different from people in our thoughts, beliefs and tastes; Even with the closest people in our lives; People with whom we even share genetics and upbringing; Like parents, spouse, friends and colleagues at work. We must resolve the conflict; That means we have to talk about it.

What does turbidity mean? Some of them may be misunderstandings and we don’t have a correct understanding from the other side, but it should be resolved. We should tell the people around us what we want and feel about what happens in our personal relationships.

Now the question is, how should this person say it? For example, should he say to the other person: I’m not saying that you made me angry, I’m saying that I was upset by your tone and behavior, or I felt that you embarrassed me by your behavior.

There is no ambiguity when we talk to people. For various reasons, people do not talk to each other; For example, they think that if they talk to each other, the other party will react and the relationship will be completely destroyed. Some people say that we shouldn’t have conflicts in the relationship at all, and this shows that the relationship has a problem; While the best relationships also exist in that conflict.

It is not ethical for you to talk about interpersonal issues in a public party. You can socialize with all people; Of course, you can meet with some for a short period of time, with some for a long term, and even make travel plans. We should know people and their situations and plan our communication. You can work together with some people and you can’t do this with some people; That is, they do not match our interests.

Now, in the communication space where people communicate with each other, eye problems are increasing day by day; People’s living conditions have become different and many people refuse to go out with others because of the eye contact and many people are not the same in terms of life facilities and this has caused separation. What should be done in this situation?

We must trust ourselves and accept ourselves. A very good feeling that people should have is a sense of self-worth.

There is an example in many places and they say, “If you are ugly, there are many people in the world like you; If you are not rich, most people in the world are not rich; If you are not a scientist, many people may not be literate; But if you do not value yourself, you are in a very bad situation.

You should have a sense of self-worth and accept your conditions and level of life and know that people’s levels of life are different. People are different in terms of material facilities, but they can have good relationships with each other.

People visit each other to see and talk, not to eat

We have differences in our personality and level of life like fingerprints and we should not all be the same; Rather, the charm of communication is that there are different people. Life should be kept simple. If you buy luxuries, you will be bothered; Because every day you want to provide a condition. People visit each other to see and talk, not to eat.

But now this matter has lost its color and in the relationships between people, there is more showing off and pretending.

We must be ourselves; When we are ourselves, we are comfortable and follow any difference in taste that we have and this is normal and normal.

In the past and when we were young, we remember very well that the behavior and relationships between people were more intimate; so that the parties were simpler and more pleasant; What should we do now to witness the mood of that time more?

We can’t go back to the era where there was no technology

We cannot look back. We have to adapt ourselves to the current conditions and we cannot go back to the era where there was no technology; For example, when there was no mobile phone. People today prefer virtual space and are constantly in another world rather than being around each other; Even if they want to send messages or talk to each other. Well, we should be in this lifestyle.

Life has become more mechanical or modern, and we have to have plans for ourselves and our personal space, but in all this, we must pay attention to the fact that we need to communicate with people, socialize with them, and use their experiences. This should not be limited to cyberspace; But it may not be possible to go back to the past.

What issues should be told to the other party and what issues should we ask during parties and visits during Nowruz days?

In order for you to have psychological health, you must have a relationship with people and socialize and interact. We should keep our friends and families and have a relationship with them; Because they can help us in difficult and difficult situations. These difficult situations can be mental, emotional and emotional; For example, let us feel pain or help us when problems arise. So we have no such thing as breaking up.

Of course, we must maintain boundaries in all relationships. We have limits; We have psychological limits; Like the physical boundaries we have and we maintain our physical distance with people. But we have psychological boundaries that we must observe in the private lives of people.

We can prepare pre-determined topics as conversational dialogues for the meetings and parties we go to and bring up those issues in the meetings and talk about them. Let’s look at the other side, what is his taste?

For example, we can talk about the book we read or talk about a happy atmosphere. If the mutual atmosphere is bad, we will be reluctant to go to that person’s house a second time; As a result, we can define programs for our party.

What should this planning be based on?

I need to know people’s moods and what makes them happy and what makes them sad. We want to create a psychological atmosphere and an emotional atmosphere for ourselves to feel happy.

Talk about the good memories we had together. Talk about the happy plans we had and talk about our interests and tastes.

Psychologically, does seeing and visiting have a positive effect on people? Are these effects always positive or not?

It depends on being able to make the atmosphere positive. If we want to go for war and conflict, we can open conflicting issues and have a happy atmosphere. We have to manage the communication and conversation space in advance.

The world and virtual space will never replace a face-to-face relationship

According to the explanations of the honorable minister and considering the fact that today’s world has undergone inevitable changes, how should we justify the new generation so that they do not fall from this side of the earth and abandon all manners and customs?

People must remember that the world and virtual space and virtual meeting will never replace a face-to-face human relationship and a conversation about feelings and emotions. In this modern and busy world and the virtual world with modern technology, you must open a place to socialize with people and use experiences. It can be a weekly meeting or during Nowruz when we are on vacation or it can happen on a daily basis. This should be a part of our planning to socialize with people face to face. We should pay attention to the quality of communication and value being together.

The issue that is raised in Nowruz visit is that, for example, some people say that we are bigger and the other party should come to see us first and then we leave. Is this thinking correct and should we accept this limit or not, it is not important for us?

Look, if we had a good moment with that person and learned something from him and were able to create a common space, the issue you mentioned is not important; Rather, I take advantage of it and prefer to do it, and I do not make my interest dependent on this issue.

Do not condition the visit of Nowruz

I mean, you don’t reject 100% this issue and the condition of seeing and visiting, and you say that this rule should be in some places, or do you mean that it doesn’t matter to us at all who comes first or…?

Exactly. We should not use these rules in communication and we should not make conditions and conditions the view and visit. Another thing is to be a pioneer in communication and to help establish communication. These are important. We must be constructive rather than passive.

Lady doctor! With your explanation, it means that we should not think that the person is younger than me, why should I go to see him first and it should only be related to quality?

Yes; We always say that the elders should teach the younger ones something and treat them with more respect. Since ancient times, it has been said that greatness depends on people’s intellect.

Do not use Eid to resolve conflicts

What should we do in the new year to put aside the mistakes and worry and anxiety that we had before?

Let’s not set Eid to solve conflicts, but to create a happy atmosphere and communicate, and if there is a conflict, set it for a very good time. Let’s talk in an atmosphere where everyone is calm and by setting a time, for example, today, I want to talk about the problem of behavior I had with you, for example, that I did not expect this behavior and work from you, and tell the other party that we want to talk about this issue. For example, let’s sit in a park or somewhere other than home or even at home and talk about the problem that has arisen. Let’s not pollute Eid with these issues.

For example, if a person is suffering from moral evils and has behavioral problems, how should he solve these problems by himself?

We should always evaluate ourselves and go to a counselor. We can evaluate our own behavior in relation to others and put ourselves in other people’s shoes. For example, let me remind myself if I had this encounter with so-and-so, what would I feel and think about myself if I were in that person’s place. This makes us control our behavior.

The best saying is to like for others what you like for others. If we want respect and love and expect respect, in fact we should do these things ourselves in relation to others so that we can receive them as well.

The most important advice; Order in work and balance between work

In order to start the new year better, share some practical skills for our audience.

What we should pay much attention to is more order in work and balance between work. Sometimes we get lost in many tasks and busyness in life. To make time for family and spend leisure time; It means to define free time for ourselves; It might be going to the park or getting out of the house; Especially since it is spring.

Or do a joint program with family members or friends. Of course, it is preferable to be with family. Order our busyness and give peace to our mind. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by events.

I tell families who have teenagers and young people to put aside their mobile phones for a couple of hours a day and play games that were common in the old days, such as Marupele, and games that take place in the real world.

At home, let’s talk about a problem or a book or a social and cultural issue and leave the mobile phones aside. Let’s talk about this topic. Let’s talk about our free time with our children and families. Set aside an hour to walk and talk about different issues. Plan and talk about a conflict every night.

last word…

I wish all compatriots have a good year.

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