What children do powerful parents raise / Where is the easy and strict border of families?

Life group Many parents, before having children or even during parenting, ask themselves what boundaries they should set for their children? How many points do they give them? Lest their children be slapped in slang or, conversely, feel self-deprecating in the face of their strictures!

It may have occurred to you to say that if you always empathize with children, they will become lazy or will not listen to us, and if you always show firmness towards them, they will become stubborn and again violence will have a negative effect on them. .

In response to those who believe that the child should be held accountable by his parents, it should be said that being held accountable means fear! It means doing something out of fear. For example, he is afraid of you and a few minutes before you get home, he goes to his lessons and exercises so that you do not give him the so-called “you are not studying”!? And this is a serious injury!

On the other hand, determination and authority play an important role in parenting and it is obligatory and has nothing to do with punishing children, shouting and insulting or scaring children. In this regard, there are also the views of the Imams (AS). For example, the Prophet (PBUH) says: Do not beat your children because of their cries “or Imam Ali (AS) says:” Do not force your children to your habits and customs, because they were created for a time other than your time. ” (Nahj al-Balaghah speech 240)

Now we will explain more about the determination and authority of parents in this report:

* What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness in parenting has several important explanations. First, assertive parents set the right rules for their child, that is, in addition to not leaving their children alone, they do not punish them physically, physically, or psychologically for not following their rules.

This rule is correct, such as “Children are not allowed to watch TV at home while eating dinner” or “Children are not allowed to play football outside at night.” These are two clear examples.

But the tone for determination must be respectfully accompanied by love and affection, like when you see your eldest child beating your youngest child, instead of aggression and crushing his confidence, you hold his hand and tell him “I will not allow you to beat your sister.” In this way, you have not crushed his character and he will not continue his work.

another point ; Having boundaries with children means not letting your child do whatever he wants at any time and place. Like when you’re tired, but he likes to play. Instead of fighting or grumbling, tell him, ‘I love playing with you, but I need a break now.’ This is how your child understands his or her boundaries.

* Differences between assertiveness and violence

Some people may have thought that assertiveness and violence are the same thing, but you should know that assertive people are not violent at all because violence is not only short-lived but also out of control when you You use violence, your child feels insecure and your relationship with him is damaged.

But assertiveness is a rational behavior in controlling the person, giving your child a sense of security and strengthening your relationship with your child.

Example for assertiveness: When your child does not listen to you, start with a sympathetic phrase and show him or her the limits: “I know you’s very upset, but you are not allowed to hit your sister” or “I know you like more in the park “Well, but you have to go to school tomorrow and you have to rest, or you are not allowed to because you are upset on the street,” or “I know you are very hungry, but you have to wait for the food to arrive.”

Phrases that increase authoritative impact

Remember that assertiveness is not necessarily to your liking. Your child may become angry with you, stubborn, and cry, even if he or she is young, tapping his or her foot on the floor and constantly screaming for help. But you certainly do not give up when he wants to run in the street, even if he is upset, you have to maintain your authority.

For example, you can tell the child that he is upset because he is not allowed to run in the street: “I know I am very upset, but I am not upset at all, but I am very serious, because I have to take care. میونه. “You have to listen to me completely and know that this is not a joke at all and it is very serious.”

Powerful parents do not raise the children of society in a bad way, on the other hand, they do not raise the children of dictators because they are between these two groups of parents, not their authority makes it too strict to make children so-called complex and No, they leave the children alone and have no control over them. Powerful parents are good parents who deliver influential children to society.

Another point is that in order not to diminish the impact of our words and rules on the child, we should respect our own rules. For example, if we ask children to go to bed at ten to ten and a half at night, we should not walk until midnight. Sitting on TV loudly and annoying them means providing different platforms for our speech to be effective.

Powerful parents raise children with confidence, self-esteem and independence, calm temperament, intimate, creative, creative, committed, responsible and useful to the community and allow children to comment on their behavior and actions. And they counsel them, strengthen their independence, listen to them, establish fair rules and regulations, encourage children when needed, and flex their expectations of children based on their age and understanding. They adjust.

* An example of an authoritarian attitude towards a child

The mother realizes that her child has been bringing the children’s belongings home from school for some time, instead of quarreling and fighting over why you stole? He talks to her to address the need to ask if her child needs these items. He then wants his child to return the items to their owners because it is a very ugly thing to do and he has to apologize to the owners of the items and then support him so that he does not do it again and the negative effects of this will be He warns.

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