White marriage or consensual rape?/ The commitment of the missing link of illicit relationships

According to the reporter of Tavana Journalist Club, Amir Mahdi Yousefi, a psychotherapist and clinical psychologist, said about white marriage in Iran: White marriage is for Western culture. The culture of Western societies is different from the culture of Iranian society. Also, the foundation of the family in western societies is not the same as the foundations of traditional Iranian society. When these foundations are not in the marriage, the relationship is out of scope and has no place in our culture and is not accepted.

He further stated: White marriage in the West has certain rules and regulations. But we Iranians have only seen an appearance of this marriage in cyberspace, websites, or from the news broadcast in foreign media. In general, the perception of this type of marriage in Iran is Just having a no-commitment relationship Is.

Yousefi emphasized: One of the main principles of a relationship is commitment. Marriage is considered a big commitment. This great commitment has been recorded in our religion in various ways, including the rights and rights that are intended for women in marriage.

But the impression that our young people have about white marriage is that couples do not have any responsibility towards each other. A non-committal relationship with equal rights, but they don’t know what these equal rights look like and what they include. White marriage in Iran is a wrong copy of western culture because we have only copied and implemented white marriage without considering its various aspects. Of course, it should be kept in mind that the meaning of commitment in the West is different from Iran.

Conditions of women in white marriage

This psychotherapist said about the importance of commitment in women: everywhere in the world, the center of the family is the woman. The mental structure of a woman is such that she likes to form a family and experience the feeling of being a mother. From the beginning of humanity until now, the male gender is the giver of power and security, and the female gender is the maintainer, therefore, in all countries of the world and in all cultures, women are more willing to maintain relationships. Commitment in the family is more important for women. But from the point of view of men, white marriage is usually considered a type of friendship; Therefore, women receive the most damage in white marriage.

The benefits of commitment in marriage

Regarding the benefits of commitment in marriage, the clinical psychologist said: In a traditional and legal marriage, due to reasons such as the fact that the elders and people around you are in the process, the commitment is registered legally, and acting according to the culture, customs and conditions of the society, a requirement and obligation arises, and in The result is a more stable relationship. When a relationship is formed, human mentality changes. In a legal marriage, the sense of empowerment and security in a man is strengthened, but this does not happen in a white marriage.

Insecure results in white marriage

Yousefi explained about the psychological problems resulting from white marriage: In white marriage, because there is no commitment, the parties feel insecure towards each other. In this type of marriage, the lack of commitment allows one of them to go to another relationship and eventually betrayal occurs. Feeling insecure in the long term leads to anxiety. Also, with the increasing age of the parties, they have lost their opportunities and have become intellectually more mature and aware, and they feel that they have lost their past. This lost past creates a longing in the person and makes the person try to keep the relationship at any cost. This condition occurs more in women. In this situation, due to the high emotional, psychological and sexual expenses she has given and her protective nature, the commitment is aggravated. But according to the existing statistics, the man usually leaves the relationship.

Why do men leave the relationship after a while of white marriage?

He clarified about the effect of lack of commitment in men: one of the reasons for leaving a relationship by a man is lack of commitment. Also, after a long period of time, the excitement of the relationship decreases and the parties lose their attraction because they have discovered all the dimensions of each other and are no longer new to each other. So the man leaves the relationship. In a legal marriage, when the excitement subsides, commitment remains, and this commitment makes the relationship beautiful and leads to love because commitment creates an emotional sense of security.

Concealment, consequence of white marriage

Regarding the consequences of white marriage, Yousefi stated: Another dimension that should be examined in white marriage is its family dimension. Basically, in this relationship model, the parties keep secrets from their families. For example, a female student from the city came to Tehran and lives with a man in a white marriage. He told his family that he lives alone. This concealment causes a pang of conscience. Guilt of conscience leads to insecurity and anxiety diseases in people.

He further added: Another thing that causes mental and emotional problems for women is the loss of virginity. Losing virginity in unstructured relationships and white marriage leads to stress, anxiety and mental obsessions in women.

This clinical psychologist said about the cause of obsession in white marriage: Obsession has a source of anxiety. Because the lady made a mistake in this work, she wants to make up for this mistake in her job or in her studies. As a result, he becomes overly careful in his work and study activities. Too much attention in an activity becomes obsession.

Is white marriage psychologically positive?

Emphasizing the vulnerability of women in white marriage, he said: There are two sexual and psychological factors in white marriage that must be investigated. Sexually, the needs of the parties are met. But psychologically, it should be said that men’s physiology is different from women’s. Men move from the sexual dimension to the emotional side and women move from the emotional dimension to the sexual side. Men think about their emotional needs when their sexual needs are satisfied. But when women are in an emotional relationship and their emotional needs are satisfied, they can think about sex and enjoy it. When a woman feels that a man is very interested in her, she indulges in sex. Therefore, after the relationship is destroyed, women lose the source of providing their emotional needs and on the other hand, they are sexually damaged. But men may experience a short-term emotional loss, but this loss disappears after a while. As a result, the person who has failed in this relationship and suffered mental and emotional damage is the woman.

Can this marriage be called white rape?

Yousefi explained about the use of the term white rape for this type of marriage: psychologically, the word white means purity and innocence and is in contrast with the word rape. We can refer to white marriage as consensual rape. Because there is both agreement and harm in this type of marriage. Therefore, the name consensual aggression is more appropriate.

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