A successful life depends on the high compatibility of couples – Mehr News Agency Iran and world’s news
According to Mehr News Agency, the 20th episode of “Istgah” program was devoted to the topic of “Wife’s Desirable Mentality” at the same time as the wedding anniversary of Hazrat Ali (AS) and Hazrat Zahra (S).
At the beginning of the program, the host mentioned the conversation between himself and his friend Sina about getting married and said: In Sina’s opinion, the “blind flight theory” should be used in marriage. The same theory that fighters used in the film Mohajer Hatamikia. According to this theory, sometimes instead of opening your eyes and calculating, you should close your eyes and act with your heart.
He then went to people and asked them what are the characteristics of their favorite spouse. Ethics, kindness, loyalty, well-groomed appearance, love and interest, sportsmanship and honesty were among the characteristics that the interviewers answered.
Then another question was asked to the people that if two of these features were to be removed, which one would it be, and the answers were different.
In the discussion section of the station’s program, Fahima Fadakar, doctor of counseling and family, in response to the question about why everyone is looking for a perfect myth for marriage, said: What has happened to marriage at the moment is that everyone is looking for a “flower”. Sarsabd” and “what the good ones all have in common”. Sometimes I joke that someone who wants to get married looks for everything that beauty bloggers, housekeepers, etc. have and expects someone to have all these qualities in one place. The consequences of such behavior are late marriage or dissatisfaction in life.
He added: There is no such thing as a perfect myth. When a person comes for marriage counseling, I ask him what faults the other party has and the person says nothing. I stop the treatment and counseling process because I understand that the person has suffered cognitive distortion. Is it possible for a person to have no problems? The fact that I don’t see the faults of the other party means that there is an obstacle such as excitement and emotions that makes me not evaluate the person correctly. So, first of all, there is no ideal for marriage. Those who only notice the defects of the other party after marriage, their eyes have not just been opened, but they have been slapped by reality in the form of dignity.
In response to the question of whether the person we want to marry should be similar to us or a missing half to complete us, this therapist and counselor said: First of all, I must say that for marriage, we confirm similarities and similarity must exist. have That’s why we say that in order to get married, they must be disbelievers, but it is impossible to be similar about everything, even the interests of watching movies and listening to music. Everyone marries the myth of perfection, after marriage they realize why the person has such behavior and temperament.
In the continuation of this program, referring to the most strange or funny cases of marriage applicants, Fadakar said: I don’t think we should say strange and funny because these words give a value. It is better to say that unrelated matters lead to a long-term satisfying life. For example, once in class I asked my male and female students what their criteria were for marriage, and I was very interested in the responses.
He continued: Some answers were serious and some were jokes. For example, girls said that our future wife should not have a mother and sister, or boys said that we should not have Bajnaq. Each and every one of these could be discussed and they should be asked to what extent these criteria are necessary for a long-term satisfying life. Of course, this is not always a perfect myth from the couple, and sometimes families get involved and say that they do not agree with this marriage because they are worried that their child will get married and be bothered. But my question in such cases is, do you think it is possible for a person to get married and not be bothered? If yes, then how has he grown so far?
This counselor and therapist said: If someone has grown up in such a way that the water in his heart does not stir and he wants to get married with the same model, he will undoubtedly face problems in marriage and life and will have disagreements and dissatisfaction. Because this person has a strange definition of satisfaction and does not know how to act in different stages of life. Usually, the easiest solution in these cases is separation and return to parents.
Referring to choosing the right criteria for marriage, this university professor said: In the past, marriage counseling was very much looking for similarities, but nowadays there is a more important concept in counseling, and that is that life is successful if the compatibility score of people is high. It means that people should know how to adapt to different conditions throughout their lives. It is even possible that the similarity of two people in life is high, but because their compatibility is low, they face problems.
Also, the 20th episode of the station’s television program ended with these questions: Is the path of marriage a straight and simple path or a winding and mysterious path? Is it enough to know what we want for marriage, or should we know what we don’t want? What should we look for in marriage? And in the end, it is better to answer important questions about ourselves, about who we are and what we want, instead of answering questions about our partner.