Continence; Acquired skill to discover inner talents – Mehr News Agency | Iran and world’s news

According to the Mehr correspondent, the “Cheragh” program of Panj Sima this week hosted “Sedigheh Amiri”, a university professor, counselor, psychologist, with more than ten years of experience in counseling in the field of family and women, as well as a master of personality psychology.

Amiri pointed to the natural and innate desires in human nature and said: There are two very significant desires in human beings, which are more intense among women, and that is the desire to be seen, to be popular or to be noticed. There has certainly been a wisdom that God has placed in human beings, in their nature, this desire. But the problem arises precisely because we want to express this desire. That is, it is to be seen in society, to be seen in the context of the family. When a woman wants this desire to be seen, there are often two options to choose from; One is that we want to achieve this desire very superficially and quickly and get the feeling of being welcomed, that is with the type of clothing we wear, or sometimes the body language and the appearance and effects that a woman can do. This becomes the apparent surface of the desire at which being seen takes place. But there is an esoteric desire, and that is the issue of modesty and chastity, in which the woman tries to distance herself as much as she can from the superficial level, in order to express her inner values. That is, when we restrain and control the outward appearance to some extent, the inner capabilities are revealed and manifest themselves. The road is harder and longer, and sometimes many people choose that shorter route.

He pointed out: We have two ways to show our abilities to others anyway; One is the apparent debate that the individual demonstrates his or her abilities. One is the discussion of his talents and abilities in various aspects, which way to choose goes back to a skill. We have a skill in psychology called self-control. Self-control is an acquired skill; That is, we learn, it can be taught. In this skill we state that showing and demonstrating our outward abilities is accompanied by excitement, which may cause us to rush, reduce reflection, and want to be satisfied anyway. Self-control here helps us to avoid further consequences. In other words, self-control means doing a behavior or a process with thinking and contemplation that we can teach our children. But there is a part of self-control in other creatures of God that is innate, for example, if a bird does not meditate and wait for his chickens to be born, this bird can do many other things and pursue other pleasures, but that patience and The tolerance placed in her deposit to make it end like the feeling of motherhood or the continuation of her generation. That is, self-control exists in the essence of the universe and in nature. So a part may exist naturally. But it becomes more colorful in human beings when it comes to learning and it becomes acquired and can flourish more than it is. If we meditate and be patient and delay that excitement of the first part, our other talents and abilities will be seen. So if we do not have much reflection and patience on this issue, and we deal with the same part of the appearance of the issue and satisfy it, the deep part of the discussion, that is, the emergence of our capabilities and our knowledge, remains.

“Many scientists are working on the issue of self-control,” Amiri said. In Western countries, an experiment was conducted for young children and they were told that you could eat a very tasty chocolate cake, or wait and eat an elaborate and delicious meal an hour later. This experiment was a so-called longitudinal study, which means that a few years later, the same people will be examined again. In that experiment, some kids waited until an hour later to get a tasty and delicious meal, some said no, and ate a chocolate cake right away. Ten years later, when the same children and the achievements of dignity in life were examined, it was found that those who had patience were more successful than children who did not have that patience, that is, those who had self-control had less harm, according to them. And in setting their goals, their planning, they were more successful in academic discussions and went further.

“The first fruit of self-control is self-confidence,” the psychologist and family counselor noted. It is not always a feeling of power and confidence to do something, sometimes it is a feeling of not doing something. Sometimes I am empowered, but I do not do it, I have the power, but I delay, so it creates a sense of self-confidence that I could have done it at that moment, but I was delayed, a little bit. I thought, I did a little better and more completely and went ahead. Another fruit of self-control is to create peace in the person, because when a person acts quickly in the discussion of immediate pleasure, the mistakes and mistakes that result from it may increase and have consequences for the person, but when he has self-control, this feeling of peace that The basis of thinking has done it, it is transmitted, it is like a domino effect, to himself, his family members, to the people in the community, so confidence, a sense of calm and a sense that one has not entered a competition without thinking. And has paid attention to its capabilities and then entered into various aspects of the issue.

“We all have knowledge and awareness, and we know that it will be more lasting when we look at our innate abilities and values,” the family psychologist and family counselor said in part. Why do some of us decide to go for that instant pleasure? Should we pay attention to the momentary attention of a group of people in our society? This is based on the way we look at the person and how much we care about them. We may enter based on appearance, and for example, sometimes we ourselves see a woman who has a special cover and has not observed some privacy. The first thought that comes to our mind when looking at this lady and creates an initial impression is that based on This kind of cover, how much time does that lady read a book, how much time does she go to art classes, how much time does she have to reach her family? This is the first look and the kind of perception, because it can happen to anyone. And the point is, this argument has nothing to do with being a woman or a man.

Amiri continued: “But what happens when a person goes to his inner abilities and talents, see when the first cognition is at this level, if this level is a certain condition, we go to the second level of cognition.” For example, a woman who has a suitable cover, when we get out of her appearance, we go and think to ourselves, so what is her education? What are his artists? That is to say, the initial level does not cause her provocative appearance and characteristics to keep us only at this level. Family members stay at the same level and do not go one step further, and that is why the type of choice and coverage can help us show our abilities at higher levels. This is a responsibility for both sexes. Both sir and madam.

At the end of the conversation, Amiri said: “If this issue is included in the society, on the other hand, it will increase the responsibility of veiled women a little; Because the main judgment and first look at the issue of clothing goes further and the ethics of dignity and their inner values ​​are taken into account, they are expected to act more responsibly and artistically in moral characteristics and social interactions.