How do I get married? / Follow the golden tips of the fight

Family group – Zohreh Saeedi: It has long been said that fights are the salt of common life, but if the same salt reaches salinity, it may become difficult and sometimes the work may fail. There are various causes of quarrels between husband and wife, from cultural differences to lack of communication and problem-solving skills, interference from others and lack of knowledge of the spouse, and so on.

Sometimes people start fights to get their word out or change the other side, but this can be shouting to win the argument, but in fact they do not know that victory in joint life between the two sides does not mean, Victory means the least differences, not arguing and destroying emotional relationships!

Psychologists offer golden solutions to prevent tensions in married life that every couple can use in their lives to solve some of their problems, some of which we will review together:

1. Express your wishes in a low voice

People’s tone of voice is very important in emotional relationships. Sometimes couples are heard, for example, how sweet the engagement and marriage period was, but after marriage, all the fights and fights. Perhaps, if some of these people think, they will come to the conclusion that in the pre-marriage period, they always talked to each other in a pleasant and calm voice, not with a shout! Some people confuse cohabitation with battlefield and constantly shout at each other, unaware that these shouts affect the other side’s brain frequency and inadvertently react to the other person.

In the end, if you make even a reasonable request of your spouse with this tone of voice, it may not work or if it does, it will only be to silence you.

2. Avoid retaliation and retaliation

Sometimes in life there are times when people make mistakes and there are differences or unhappiness, the main issue is that the couple has realized that they do not seek revenge. For example, your spouse’s sister said something to you at a party, you started shouting at your spouse until you got home, and then you drew a line and a sign for him that you will retaliate for this behavior. You have also taught your spouse to seek revenge if something goes wrong in your family.

Some cases need forgiveness and forgiveness, even if something upsets you, talk about it, but do not seek revenge because you turn the sweet life into bitterness and these retaliations hit the body of your tree of life and except Failure is nothing compared to it.

3. Moving and changing the environment

Issues that upset you in the life or morals and behavior of the other party sometimes turn into anger, but instead of overflowing it in the family, it is better to separate your watch from the environment so that you can both calm down and control your anger. And do not create a new problem.

The best way to prevent anger in a marital relationship is to change the environment and then calm down and talk about it. Now some may say that some cases can not be solved so easily, everything loses its weight over time like the death of a loved one, now imagine how much harder a marital dispute can be than the death of a loved one!

4. Avoid teasing and talking sarcastically

Another key to the door of hell in married life is to tease and talk sarcastically, for example, your spouse came home late at night, you constantly start making fun of him in retaliation and that you do not want to say something because you were lost at a party And sneering at your spouse keeps you in suspense as to how badly slandering your spouse can have bad consequences.

It is better to control your anger and ask about its late arrival so that you can express your grief without sarcasm and sarcasm, because when grievances accumulate, it becomes sarcasm and sarcasm, and finally a calm conversation without annoyance can Reduce problems.

5. Do not overdo it and do not compare with others

Comparing in cohabitation that someone has such a face or body or, for example, your sister’s husband is very educated or has money, and these are for the time when you have not yet chosen a spouse, then you should have opened your eyes more, but after cohabitation right You can make progress on things like finances and education, but comparing your spouse to others is a severe psychological blow to both him or her and your life together because the other person comes to the conclusion that you do not love him or her.

If you have a plan to improve your life, do it without comparison without saying that some family or friends have this car or house or it has progressed in this way. If there is a model in your family, give it as an example, not compare. And beat.

And the next point is that when talking or even arguing, do not line up for each other, for example, if something happens, I will do the same, or I will definitely treat your family differently, or if you do it, see What answer should I give! These are toxic things in a relationship.

6- Considering the mental position of the spouse when talking

Many cases of couples who go to the counselor, gentlemen, for example, say that their spouse is untimely when they get home tired and dumplings and do not have a fresh throat, they start criticizing and expressing their tiredness. But it is true that some people do not have time to express their annoyances or tiredness. It is better to consider the time and place to express desires, annoyances, discomforts or anything else.

7- Non-interference of families in two-person disputes

The issue of family involvement in marital disputes can be a separate report and has many solutions, but in short, couples should be vigilant and take care of their lives and not involve others in their disputes and disputes as much as possible, and if necessary first aid from a family counselor. Until they start a family arbitration, however, most couples’ differences are superficial and will soon be resolved for themselves, but remain in the minds of others.

So first, Mr. and Mrs. try to resolve the dispute themselves and, if necessary, consider the help of a family psychologist.

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