Marriage; Starting a rebirth / 7 effective steps in choosing a spouse

Life group: Soodabeh RanjbarWe have heard over and over again from those who have torn a few shirts more than others and grown white beards during courtship, engagement or yes. “But when you start your life under one roof, close your eyes and do not see the differences and pay attention to the similarities.”

Psychologists also say: “In making decisions before marriage, you should pay more attention to differences and similarities after marriage, because paying attention to differences helps to make wise choices, and paying attention to similarities after marriage strengthens the relationship and intimacy between women.” “And she becomes a husband.”

You may not believe that all the points of psychology in the run-up to an engagement are summarized in just a few wise sentences of whites. Leading to the old saying; The listener himself must be wise in order to find the points of these few sentences; Not that the feelings during the engagement and acquaintance are so intense that they do not notice any differences in tastes and differences, and after a year of life, when the couples become normal for each other, the differences become more and more pronounced for them. Throughout the acquaintance, two young people must understand that living under one roof is a reality and that they are dealing with the real personalities of a couple, and that real life is not a place for daydreaming and absolute emotion.

What are you preparing for being born again?

With this brief introduction, it can be concluded that one of the most important foundations of a successful life is a successful acquaintance. Which is also called the engagement period. The engagement period is a good time for the girl and the boy and their families to socialize so that they can get to know each other more closely and get to know each other with real knowledge that they have decided to live together with all their possessions and possessions.

Unfortunately, this trend has been reversed among young people on the verge of marriage and married people; That is, before marriage, a person drowns in a sea of ​​feelings and affection, and after marriage, he finds himself disappointed and tired in the midst of many failures and differences.

It is important to know that marriage is reborn. You decide to live together voluntarily. What are you really preparing for this rebirth? In this little report; Here are just a few ways to find the right couple and date. Join us step by step.

7 effective steps

first stepThe most important step in choosing a spouse and going through the dating period to achieve a successful marriage is to achieve self-awareness and go through the stages of self-knowledge. Before making any choice, one must fully recognize one’s strengths and weaknesses, and define one’s life goals and values. Make a worthy choice by identifying the criteria for a successful choice. We must first ask ourselves, Are we logically ready for marriage? Can we put the other person in the review process for selection?

Step twoHow important is it for you to benefit from the experience of others or to consult with experts? Psychologists believe that a person can be selected and made a choice who has passed the five stages of maturity of physical, intellectual, social, moral, emotional and psychological development. Of course, we can not ignore the fact that no human being is perfect and we must choose someone who is as close as possible to our ideals and there is no one hundred percent.

Third stepFace-to-face conversation is very important during dating. More importantly, these conversations should take place in different places. In this situation, they exchange information and become aware of each other’s spirits. A few sessions can be accompanied by a phone call, but keep in mind that texting and so-called chatting is not right because the effect of tone and body language is completely cut off. Because it may misunderstand the other party and in the same misunderstandings will provide you with incomplete and challenging information.

Step fourConversation should be completely clear, objective and tangible, for example, when a boy says: I want a woman with a hijab or a happy wife. The definition of hijab or pleasure may have different meanings for the girl. The question here is what do you mean by happiness? Or in your opinion, how is hijab defined? Because the other side does not have a mind reader who can fully understand what we mean by adjective and concept.

Fifth step: A person who is dating and intends to get married should know the boundaries of the relationship. Although lifestyles and relationships have changed, they must know the culture and customs of the society in which we live in order to achieve a wise marriage, and be steadfast in their Islamic and religious traditions and customs for further success.

Step 6: Be careful. Depending on your lifestyle, knowing your family can also help you choose the right spouse during your dating, so it is important that you do not hide your relationship with the person you are in a relationship with.

Seventh step: The duration of dating time, according to standards and experience is between 3 to 6 months, and in certain cases this time is more or less. In fact, a person who intends to get married does not prolong the acquaintance period too much and does not delay the marriage under various pretexts.

And but …

Familiarity means the exchange of information and feelings to get to know more between girls, boys and families. In the meantime, the exchange of information precedes emotions. If for any reason the exchange of emotions took precedence or if during the acquaintance of emotions dominated the real cognition. Rest assured, this period did not go well.

Last point

The marriage counselor will never tell you whether to marry this person or not! Rather, it paves the way for getting to know you better. It is the duty of the family counselor to inform both parties.

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