Today’s children have not learned independence and are having problems in marriage – Mehr News Agency Iran and world’s news
According to Mehr News Agency, the 21st episode of the station’s television program on the topic of “Child Education in the Family” was held with the presence of Fahima Fadakar, Ph.D. in Counseling and Family as an expert.
Fadakar said in this program: The first thing that causes children’s disharmony in the family is too much love and affection from parents. For example, imagine a child who has never been challenged Any time There is also a challenge his family They acted like a shock absorber and did not put water in their child’s heart, so to speak shaking to eat Well, like that Don’t have children like a plant green house Oh you It grows in a closed space and big It can be and if once through the door green house If the wind hits the plant, the plant will dry and spoil.
He added: product compatibility is two things at home; A sense of security and determination and coping with limitations. The feeling of security comes with attention and love, and determination also means that children should be able to endure hardships. That is, they should not think that whatever they want is always available.
This counselor and therapist said about the approach of new families in child rearing: Contrary to the imagination of many who think that they leave their child to conceive independently, this is not the case at all and this commitment in education is the commitment caused by abandonment. Before, children used to give and receive services to their families, but now children are more likely to receive services. When we talk about independence, it means that we are talking about a real need, but independence has a direct relationship with the age, skill and ability of children; For example, if a child of the same age can tell his clothes and shoes, we should not stop him because he has reached an age where he can handle it himself. Independence is a gradual process for the child to handle his work when he is 20-30 years old. Of course, children at any age should not leave the framework of the relationship at home, but they should be given the space to act according to the development of the children, otherwise the children would prefer to spend more time outside the house or secretly and away from the eyes of the family doing the things they like. Do.
Fadakar added: “Parents should allow children to be independent and if someone reaches the age of 50 and doesn’t get married, they should still follow the family’s framework and rules, but naturally, independence should also grow according to growth.” Of course, nowadays the way families are raised is such that children are raised very dependently and many cannot do a series of routine tasks alone at one age. Of course, independence is a stage of development, so children will definitely go for it, but it is important in what area they want to become independent. When we talk about independence, we are not talking about taste, but we are talking about the ability to think, evaluate and make decisions.
This counselor and therapist said: The problem that today’s children did not learn is that most of them did not learn independence, and when they get married, they suddenly face the issue of becoming independent and have problems, just like a child who does not know how to ride a bicycle and then suddenly You go to a new place and say start cycling from here. He must fall because he doesn’t know how to ride a bike.
He added: The fact that we do not learn independence in a family does not make us look for the accused in the family. Because we can never remove the agency of a person and blame all the mistakes on the family. The important thing is that families teach children the skill of becoming independent. If children do not learn small independence in childhood, they will not be able to cope with bigger adventures in adulthood. It is impossible to say precisely that children should become independent by age, because part of it is related to age, and part of it is related to the experience and skill of a child in the matter of independence.
The narrator of the station’s program concluded that we should decide how much to control the children, not to control the child so much that he is not responsible, and not to let him go so much that he hurts himself. We cannot decide what family we will be born into but we can decide what family we will form. Being in a family is a multifaceted issue that must be considered in all its dimensions.