What are the criteria for marriage / diversity in today’s generation – Mehr News Agency | Iran and world’s news

According to the Mehr reporter, Hamid Habashi after Speaking at the first comprehensive training and empowerment course for young people, entitled “Rewriting the Story of Life”, on Monday afternoon, he spoke about the need for motivation in marriage: “It is an essential issue for which there is no alternative; Marriage means a mixture of traits and characteristics, and this only happens in marriage.

Stating that marriage does not mean the most similarity, he added: “These people have stopped in their individuality and expect the other side to be no different from themselves; These people are not satisfied with their lives, even if they have a high level of similarity with their spouse.

The psychologist and expert in the field of youth and family emphasized: what can make marriage possible and desirable for a person and make it possible to achieve its benefits is to achieve the ability to get married.

He continued: “There is no activity in cohabitation that each couple can focus on as an individual action and not pay attention to the level of companionship of their spouse.”

“Of course, what should be considered in terms of competence and proportions is not the difference in the amount of tendencies and interests between the two sexes, but in the basic orientations and goals of life, and a couple may, despite the difference in some tendencies and interests, move towards one.” Aim to move.

Marital readiness can be measured before marriage

Abyssinia said that before marriage, one can measure one’s readiness for marriage. “Children who do not pay attention to other family members, their interests and needs in their family are not ready for marriage,” he said.

This psychologist is about Criteria In marriage, he said: age is one of the important indicators in marriage. Age is important in two areas of understanding and the necessary abilities for marriage. A teenage girl or boy is not ready for marriage, neither in terms of understanding nor in terms of the necessary abilities for marriage. These two criteria are also very important in age appropriateness. When an 18-year-old girl marries a 26-year-old boy, the woman demands from her husband things that the man has gone through, and the man is looking for activities in life that do not matter to her. Now, if a 30-year-old woman marries a 45-year-old man, despite the age difference, the two want one thing in life.

There is no obstacle to the marriage of a girl of the same age or older than a boy

He said: “Most parents of boys object to the fact that the girl is equal in age or older than their son. , Are the two indicators of understanding and abilities necessary for marriage.

Abyssinia considered appearance and beauty as another criterion of marriage and specified: in the index of appearance and beauty, we should prioritize our private tendency over the public opinion of others. Unfortunately, many girls and boys, especially girls, prefer public opinion to private opinion and depend on the opinions of others, which results from low self-esteem and self-confidence. For this reason, the girl’s family should refrain from announcing their positive or negative public opinion about the suitor before announcing the girl’s private opinion.

Appearance and beauty should be commensurate with the content

The youth and family expert added: “Appearance and beauty should be appropriate to the content; That is, a person’s beauty is mixed with his content, and it is the content that takes precedence over beauty. Satisfaction with contentless beauty traps man.

He continued by saying that beauty is desirable when it is accompanied by security: “Security means protection and preservation of beauty.” Sometimes they are beautiful people, but they expose themselves to connections and interactions that ruin the security of their partner and companion. Some people think that they can choose a beautiful person and then fence him in if this assumption is wrong. These people may even be able to create this security in the area of ​​their partner’s behavior, but they cannot in the area of ​​motivation, satisfaction, peace and enjoyment of life.

What is the cause of today’s generation diversity?

Abyssinian considered the stop limit as the fourth indicator in the criterion of appearance and beauty and said: “Some people think that they should look for someone as beautiful as possible, and this has made today’s generation want diversity.” A person who seeks diversity should say goodbye to peace and enjoyment of life. Self-control must be practiced to get rid of diversity.

According to this psychologist, when we are in front of a person or something, we may encounter one of the five feelings, including desire, desire, doubt, reluctance or disgust towards his appearance. Passion is good, but a lot of desire sometimes makes us consider everything desirable and deaf and blind. Of course, we should not give up enthusiasm, but we should consult a trusted expert. This expert must have sufficient knowledge to measure the necessary proportions and be free from the effect of passion between the two individuals.

He added: “In times of disgust, if there were all proportions and even those around us insisted on marriage, we should not use these insistences as a criterion to eliminate disgust.” When in doubt, the type of decision-making is forbidden because we return to doubt after the decision, so we must turn doubt into desire or reluctance in order to make the right decision. We have three ways to get rid of doubt; Increase our knowledge, seek help from a trusted expert, or consult if we have not achieved results in the previous two ways.

The initial feeling we have about a person’s appearance intensifies after marriage

Abyssinia emphasized: “Every initial feeling we have about a person’s appearance intensifies after marriage; For example, if we want to, we go to passion, and if we are reluctant, we go to disgust. So when we feel the desire to get married, but not when we feel reluctant.

The expert in the field of youth and family considered love and family as another criterion of marriage and noted: Some people believe that love should come first and then marriage should take place, while when we make rules, it should be possible before it is useful.

Joining is the starting point of life and requires movement

He continued: Love has a starting point and its end point is Vesal. The great desire to join makes a person cross all obstacles but after joining, he stops while the joiner is just the beginning of life and needs to move, so the starting point of life becomes the end of love.

“On the other hand, the heavier we pay for the carpenter, the more we expect from life, so we can not tolerate anything different, so love not only does not make marriage, but it hinders and disturbs it,” Abyssinian said. Even in the Qur’an instead of the word love from the word «حُب»Used and sharpened حب It is only for God because everyone benefits from us and only God needs us.