What is the framework for a healthy dialogue between couples? / Asking your spouse instead of criticizing

Family group: Marriage is a long conversation between two people that is sometimes debated due to immaturity, inexperience, differences of tastes and cultures, quarrels are the most destructive factor in a life. It is true that it has been said for a long time that couples fight and fools believe, but long quarrels between couples, even if it leads to reconciliation, hurt their emotions and often disrupt marital relations. he does.

Many couples are unable to establish a proper relationship and talk simply without a fight, and as soon as an issue or challenge arises in their life, they quickly get stuck in a swamp of argument and can not Avoid fighting.

While differences and tastes between two people who have lived together for years are common and inevitable in two different families with different cultures, ethics and genetics, how can a simple argument be turned into a tough one? .

1. Keep your distance when you are angry

Some couples think that when a problem arises between them, they should talk about it right away until the problem is solved, while this is not the case, it is better to distance yourself when you are angry.

That you say: «We are very angry with you, we have to talk right now and explain to me»! Is wrong.

You say: «I’m angry and I’m feeling you’re angry too, talking in this state causes us to make jokes that make the problem worse, so please come and talk in a few hours».

2. Ask instead of criticizing

Generally, women are the ones who constantly start criticizing their husbands. Your spouse comes home from work tired and starts to rest

you say : “Did you spread your clothes here again? Do not you realize that I am tired and I have to constantly pack your things? How slut are you?! » Is wrong.

You say: «I think you did not want to change your clothes, thank you if you put them in the closetIt is at a good opportunity and when the fatigue of work and day is out of his body.

3. Explain your discomfort clearly

Sometimes an issue upsets you or your spouse, but you keep it in your heart for a long time, do not talk and behave rudely, or you are constantly teasing and sarcasm.

As if to say, “I was very clear! I think everyone understands except you! I do not like to explain. After all these years, you should not understand your sorrow!»

Say it like this:The words you said to my guest made me feel very bad. I wanted to talk about how upset we were».

4. Ask before prejudice

You are very angry and upset with your spouse because he comes home late at night and comes home at the same time all the time.

you say: “You’ve been coming home too late lately, I’m totally feeling like you’ve lost interest in me and you do not want to spend time with your family. It’s not clear what news I do not know». it’s wrong.

It is better for you to say:Is there a problem at work? I feel more tired these days because he comes home later. What is the matter? “What help can I get?”

5. Do not include issues unrelated to the discussion in the new discussion

Has your spouse done or made a purchase that you expected to talk to you about without consulting you? You are angry, but you constantly interrupt the discussions that you were like that from the beginning!

You are wrong:You should not have consulted with me before making this decision? You are tired! I just do not remember how much your mother hurt me that day! You are probably doing this on purpose!

It is better to say:“I’m upset that you made this decision without consulting me and I look forward to hearing your reasons for doing so.”

6. Instead of winning the discussion, think of a solution

There is no loser or winner in an emotional relationship. If you are right, your spouse will be upset, then your spouse will be upset, and vice versa!

Sentence “as I told you»،«Now it has been proven to youSam is an emotional relationship. Instead of saying this and proving that you were right, it is better to say: “We are both upset, we better think what is the solution to this problem or issue?»

7. Only criticize your spouse’s behavior, not his or her personality!

«You are a carefree person and you do not care about anythingAn example is a character-destroying sentence. Instead of focusing on your spouse’s personality in solving a problem, focus on the substance. For example, to say: “Sometimes I feel that our son’s educational status is not enough, you do not care, when to talk about it? »

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